Bad things happen to everyone. But it is how we react to those things that allow us to move on. Or not.

We don’t have control over what happens to us, but we do have control over how we react to those things that happen to us. It can be hard, but if we don’t find a way move beyond our pain and hurt, we won’t heal.

Taking responsibility for how you will react is not the same as taking the blame what happened. A bad break up or some other loss might not be your fault, but ultimately you need to take responsibility for how you will let it affect you. If you don’t frame the event in a way that can help you move on or even grow from it then it will always have power over you.

Eleanor Roosevelt said, “no one can make you feel inferior without your consent.” When you focus on blame, you give the person or event that hurt you consent to keep you in pain. Focusing on blame also keeps you in the past and prevents you from moving forward.

I’m not saying that you can’t feel the hurt or pain that you experience. Feel them. Experience them. But eventually, you need to move beyond them.

Don’t give your consent to stay wounded! Focus on what you can learn from the event. Focus on how you can grow stronger.

Nelson Mandela said, “As I walked out the door toward the gate that would lead to my freedom, I knew if I didn’t leave my bitterness and hatred behind, I’d still be in prison.”

Take responsibility for how you will react to those painful experiences and you can free yourself from the self-imposed prisons you find yourself in.

© 2019 Peter Gruner